just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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