I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
