It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ugly people sure do ruin things
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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