my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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