There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
