one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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