Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
