New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
