I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
