Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
