i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
