You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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