So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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