you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
