I'm so fucking centered right now
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
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