You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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