Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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