woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
