I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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