My Higher Power is John Stamos
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
