i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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