rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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