im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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