She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
