she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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