Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
