HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
