Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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