I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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