If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
