dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
