i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
