it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
