hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Blood and glitter go together right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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