i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
