I wish I could punch you in the face.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
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Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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