they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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