fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
