so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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