before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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