I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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