You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
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It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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