Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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