you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
