I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
