Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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