i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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