just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
