he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
