he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
