there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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