My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
