Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
