I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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