He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize