I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
