I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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