You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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