hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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