it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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