You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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