Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
