Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
