a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
