K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
